I drank a bottle of wine…on accident…this happened.

I can’t remember your smell.

The way you looked over when I
said something stupid.
Your favorite coffee.
The smell of your car.
The way you smiled.
Those baby blues,
so deep, so focused.

I can’t remember your touch.

Your hair,
your walk,
your drink of choice.
The way you laughed
I can still hear you.

I can’t remember
the way I looked at you.

That night,
we talked until the sun came up.
You told me I was everything.
You couldn’t live without me.
You cried,
I couldn’t live with you.

I lied back then.
I can’t remember why.
I can barely remember us.

I can’t forget you.

Holy Followers Batman! Thanks! You guys made my month.

I have no idea what to say. I feel like I spend all day saying all the words that don’t matter. Then I come home and have used up my word quota for the day. So I spend my night listlessly scrolling through internet junk and newspaper articles, to get inspired. Nothing. Apparently tonight isn’t the night. So here’s a poem I wrote a few months ago.

A Bird

It stood against it’s nature
under the tall tree.
Pecking at worms, surely,
but still searching.
His eye looks to the sky-
Why won’t he fly away?

My TV Broke…I wrote a poem…and some other stuff.

So, it’s been awhile since I’ve gotten lost in my thoughts. So here goes some rambling.

I used to really love music. And not like oh cool EDM song. I mean I used to get lost in a good melody and lyrics that wrapped me up in my thoughts. Spotify is amazing. I know, I’m late to the game. But it is AMAZING! I feel like a teenager getting impressed by TRL. Except, you know, better tunes. Although, weren’t the 90’s great? Anyways, my TV broke on Tuesday. I spent the last two days re-watching Gilmore girls on Netflix. On my computer. And I watched it totally undistracted. I skipped around some boring episodes. I’m on season 7. The worst season. But tonight, I got bored. I turned on the tunes. I’ve really missed GOOD music. I don’t have satellite radio so, it’s the radio or my iTunes library because I really don’t want to use my data for my daily commute.

I got the urge to read a book tonight. I mean I read all the time. But not from a real book. And not totally undistracted. Not in awhile, probably not since college. Actually, probably before the internet. Then I thought, no, no, I need to write.

I write poetry nobody reads. I mean I mostly do it for me. And I have been “writing” a book for years. I would like to say it’s somewhere near done but it’s not. I want it to be, but for some reason putting pen to paper is tough for me. What am I so worried about? I’m not THAT bad. I’m pretty bad at spelling and my grammar usage is questionable. I mean I really suck at when I use commas and semicolons. I’m pretty sure if this piece were on BUZZFEED the grammar nazis everywhere would crucify me. That’s why they make editors right? Anyways, I’m rambling. The point is I love to write and I’ve been pretty absent from doing what I love. Like, it’s been at least 4 years since I’ve really dedicated an entire night to my craft. That was so sad to type.

What have I been doing? Watching WAY to much TV. Why? Probably, because it’s easy. I also have been working…A LOT! If I’m not slinging lattes…I’m coaching or watching copious amount of TV. I have so many dreams. So many things to do. Why am I hiding behind lattes and Television?

My cat and live in my parents basement. Read through my blog…the reason is in there somewhere. It’s not so bad. I mean who doesn’t love free housing and home cooked meals. But ugh, I’m undesirable. I am 29, living in my parents basement. At least I’m gainfully employed. But now, that I’ve climbed out of my doldrums I’ve got no excuse right?

Sometimes I wish I could live on a island, sell hats, and write poetry next to the ocean. That’s where I belong. Next to the ocean. To quote my favorite band of 10th grade, Everclear, “we could live beside the ocean, leave the world behind. Swim out past the breakers and watch the world die.” See, probably the most inappropriate use of commas ever.

Here’s a poem to leave you with:

It’s silly.
This moment is silly.
You were never supposed to be here.
I am.
But not you.

It’s sad,
because I thought you were
but-
you’re not supposed to be here.

I wish you were but-
you…me…
the 6 drinks I had
and the 15 beers you had;
meant nothing.

Don’t worry, I got the tab.

You’ll pay me back in
unanswered texts and
other girls numbers-
and I won’t get mad;
when you’re 3 hours late.

Don’t worry-
I got it.
We’re even.

I don’t even care that
I’m ruined.
Trust no one.
Thanks.You’re swell.

Just like that night-
Florida moon,
I made a mistake.
You never forgave me.
But hey, don’t worry.
I forgive you all the time.

Remember when we drove
all night.
We got milkshakes.
I smiled.
You wanted to ‘be adventurous.’
I fell for it-
for you.

Don’t worry, I know
It meant nothing.
you…me…
Don’t worry, I got it.
This one’s on me.

Don’t worry, I know
just friends.
Don’t worry, I know
the time you slurred
‘I love you.’
6 drinks…15 beers…

I know, don’t worry.
I got this one.
It’s on me.