Damn you giving tree!

I don’t even know anymore. I feel like I work so hard…but I don’t even know what I’m working for anymore. Me? I don’t require much. Most of what I require cannot be bought. I don’t think it’s too much to ask. Loyalty. Love. Trust. Friendship. Adventure. Those things equal happiness right? Well, that’s what I’ve always thought. But I think Independence. Self-Relient and Open to love should also be added. I’m a little drunk. I’m a little sad. Mostly lonely. Losing a friend is worse than losing a lover. When you lose a friend. You lose everything. When you lose a lover, you lose sex. Sex is replaceable. Friendship is hard to find. I haven’t had a lover…a true lover in years. It’s not as bad as it sounds. I’ve learned a lot about myself and I live with no regrets. I just want…just once…to not be left with nothing. It’s the worst feeling in the world to know someone doesn’t even like your personality anymore. It is the hardest thing to come back from, romantic or otherwise. Yes, true it takes less time to get over as you get older but the pain is the same. It’s still gut wrenching. It feels like being picked last for dodgeball and then going to the school dance and finding out the guy that told you he had to go to his grandmas funeral was there dancing with your worst enemy. It feels like that times one million. Rejection is no picnic. But it can be overcome. At least that what I know from all these years of practice. Of course, I’m less trusting and less open each time I left behind from someone’s life. I’m terrified that one day they will have take it all away from me. I’m worried that I will run out of things to give. Isn’t that the point of living?