stage 3

Growing up is a phrase I think we all take for granted. I thought I was finished “growing up” when I got the big girl job with the apartment and a cat. I had great friends and a pretty good life. But then the bottom dropped out. Through a series of weird, unfortunate events I had to move back in with my parents and live in the basement with my cat. I lost all my friends and had to start over. Yes, I still have that “big girl job” and I have the wardrobe of one also. I have always prided myself in being independent. I do what I want, with whoever I want, whenever I want. I have lived this mantra to the fullest. But lately I have noticed I’m extremely unhappy. At first I thought it was because of the obvious I was living in my parent’s house. But then I thought, I pay no bills and I don’t have to cook, I don’t even have to go grocery shopping or budget for anything outside of my school loan payments and the remainder of my payments from my apartment. I have never had this much spending money. I can eat out whenever I want and update my wardrobe weekly. It’s not money that stresses me out these days. I think it’s more or less the fact that I’m in a job where I am unsatisfied. I’m a writer. But this “big girl job” is not what I want to do forever. Or even more than a few years. Would it be crazy to just quit and commit to writing? I would have zero income…actually I would go back to coaching full time, but that would only be enough to cover my student loans. But really, would it be crazy? I miss my craft. I miss only worrying about my work. I worry about someone else’s dream 60 hours a week…why? For the house? The car? The life? Well to be honest, I’d rather be happy then anything else. And I’m not. I want to move to the beach and have been steadily working towards this goal for months and if I quit my job I’m not sure I can do that. I’m at a very important crossroads and I don’t want to stay at it long, I want to make the right decision. I’m just not sure if I want to make the “smart choice” or do what my heart says is the only way I’m going to be satisfied. I’m not sure if I should put my dreams on hold a little bit longer just so I don’t drown. Life is worth living…this I know. I think it’s time I start living it.