My best friends wedding

Yes…I’m watching this movie even though it hits entirely too close to home and I will end up in a wine induced fit of ugly crying. But alas, I must live blog this.

“I’m still your best friend. You just haven’t seen me for awhile.” Getting the news the BFF you are in love with but have yet to admit to yourself but EVERYONE knows…yea…insta regret and self loathing.

-side note Julia Roberts…you are never the best friend. You are grade A leading lady material.

So obvious the bride to be is a major suck up…and clearly knows she doesn’t hold a candle to Julia Roberts. Also makes me think…shouldn’t she be a suck up a little. We female BFFs are tough critics and should never be messed with nor should our “Dawson’s.” (looking at you kassie..) notice I still consider that as my rightful title Bobby.

Although no BFF no matter how desperate should be that shameless of a 3rd wheel/jealous bitch…there is a very fine line. It’s an art not meant for amateurs. Yes, of course I’m talking about when Julia Roberts try’s to break them up via career. Enter desperate phone call to gay friend.

I am this Julia Roberts….ugh. I hated her in 1997.

Yes…gay friend I can easily release 9 years of unrequited love.

That moment when Julia/me realizes the object of my affection is a moron… But I’m a bigger one because I’m going with it. The old engaged to the gay guy trick…which clearly always works.

Ahh the random song and moment when two BFFs seriously ponder if they should be together. If only this happened in real life.

I mean seriously…how does one not know. I know. But he is an idiot.

Admitting you love someone…I have yet to conquer that but if Julia Roberts is that conflicted you have to wonder…why?

That moment in the hallway…when you feel so desperate as to drive in the middle of a storm for a cigarette…that’s a terrible feeling. Especially when i don’t actually smoke. And when you know you did the unthinkable and broke your BFFs heart.

And that moment when you realize you are not the one. This is something I have yet to conquer. I instead choose to live in that fine line of despair and hope…counting on hope to lead me to him. Clearly Julia is lying to herself the whole last hour of the movie.

“Tell her I’ll marry her at 6 o’clock if she will still have me”–twist the knife why don’t you!

She kisses him…he sprints…not run but sprints to the other woman…and she gives him ammo to hate her…by admitting to the email…love is blind and makes you crazy. Proof.

But she gracefully and desperately admits to it all. And he still keeps her in his heart. That my friends is real honest to god Dawson and Joey love. That is a true friend…who…can take seconds to forgive you for all your crazy behavior. That’s love. That’s what we all need. It’s what we all want.

This movie is so right…it’s wrong.

And yet I have a love/hate relationship with the ending of this movie. Mostly love though…gives me hope. Because if Cameron Diaz can beat Julia Roberts there is hope for me.

Wtf?

Is it necessary to be any more vague? I mean seriously. What the eff did that drunken rambling mean? You apparently adore me? What? Excuse me I repeat WHAT? When and are you ever going to tell me yourself? Seriously, I can’t take this brand of crazy. I’ve got my own demons to wrestle every night when the drone of a rerun becomes background noise to my tumultuous thoughts. I can’t even be alone and just be. I get restless. I begin to list my faults and wonder about all the you’s in my life. The exception to this particular you is that you claim to adore me– the other forgot I existed. And common sense tells me I should forget you both but the heart wants what the heart wants. For the love of god, I just want to forget all the you’s and worry about me.

To you

Dear you,

You know who you are, what you mean to me. I cannot stop missing you smile. Those baby blue that entranced me in every word you said. I wish I could know your thoughts. I hope for your smile and long for your hands. I miss you more than I love you.

Harry would never get Sally in today’s world

The iconic movie when Harry met Sally in all it’s 1980’s splendor would never work today. Why you ask? Let me enlighten you:

1. Cell phones

We have the ability to ignore your voice message. In the scene where Harry sings to Sally over the phone in a message she hears it on her answering machine and answers to reject him. I have 26 voicemails I have not listened too. Most of them are bill collectors (don’t judge me), but I hate voicemail and delete them before I even listen to them. What’s worse is its visual voicemail so I can do it without even putting the phone to my ear…I mean really its 2013…text me.

2. The hook up

In this day and age casual sex is so common it’s taboo. We sleep with someone before we get to know them as if its a test to see if we actually like them. There is no way in hell that hook up would have happened so late in the game. Even if they were BFFs!
Sally: let’s get white girl wasted tonight!
Harry: j├Ąger bombs! Shots! Shots! Shots! Erebody!!!!
Sally: let’s dance!
3 hours and 10 drinks later
Harry: wanna watch a movie
Sally: YES! Omg can we watch What happens in Vegas!?! ( a totally underrated movie btw).
Harry: uh, yea sure *winks to bartender
Sally: YAY! You are sooo my best friend! Luv you!
Harry: wanna just sleep over…you know Dawson’s creek style?
Sally: yea sure…except can you be Pacey…*winks at Harry

Well you can guess…mistakes are made…she gets clingy. He hits on girls in front of her but they hook up on the regular. It’s dating without the title/general respect. Typical behavior of the twentysomething.

3. The store karaoke scene.

Surrey with a fringe on top?? Really…it would be Xbox Kinnect at best buy. And it would be 100 times more embarrassing. And Sally would see Harry’s lack of rhythm coupled with a spastic version of Bye Bye Bye and that would be the end of that nonsense.

4. Blind date

Writers could never dine in that fancy of a restaurant because they would be bloggers and make zero dollars and have a weird hipster following. And upon Immediate look up of said blog while at the table there would be judgements and fighting…come to think of it…this would make this scene more entertaining because within 10 minutes the two that get married would be sexting.

5. NYE speech

Would go like this:

Sally rolls her eyes upon seeing Harry and immediately gets her phone out and pretends to text while she smiles seductively while she tweets; “zomg…harry is here #stalker! Harry walks up and gives his sappy speech. Sally rolls her eyes Laughs and tweets: lol. Umm in your dreams #loser! Sally leaves cries all the way home because she realizes she loves him! 5 years pass they see each other and have a casual sex relationship until Sally starts dating Derek Jeter. The end.

I know not quite as sweet but the truth. Meg Ryan was too hot for Billy Crystal anyways. That’s why she wore suits and was de-sexualized the whole movie. And yes secretly I would die if this actually happened to me…but life is not a movie and I’m too jaded for that nonsense.

However, powers that be of Hollywood, remake this movie with Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone. Your welcome!

I miss you

I miss you. I am on a wine binge ugly crying over you. You are amazing. You are an asshole. But I’m in love with you. Even though I shouldn’t be and you certainly don’t deserve it. I just fb requested you. I deleted you because I thought I could forget you. I was wrong. I think about you daily. I miss you multiple times in a day. I wish things were not as they are between us. You are perfect. You are worthy and I forgive you. I hope we cross paths again someday because you are it. I don’t want anyone but you.