when a workaholic gets her mojo back

It’s funny, I used to believe the boldface lie that I was “focusing on my career” instead of actively dating. Ha! Now I know everyone I told that too was like yea…okay and I’m the queen of england. I work at Starbucks…yea, sure I’m the manager…but really who focuses on that? I have a very early day tomorrow. (4 am is a terrible hour to awake too on a sunday if you are not in the arms of someone.) On this saturday night on the couch I went against my better judgement and watched Think Like A Man. Otherwise known as the Steve Harvey version of Down with Love. Aside from the token white married guy with no personality and gross stereotype of every single character it wasn’t that bad. Now this could because of my recent man troubles but I digress….However I should say it wasn’t good either and made me angry most of the movie. I blame my Hollins University subliminal feminism on this.

There were 4 types of women portrayed: (yes I’m using the labels from the movie.)

the baby mama–She has a kid and is not crazy by the stigma of this label or even by the judgement of her fellow characters in the movie. She’s a completely normal woman

the commiter–lives with her 9 year boyfriend who is white and likes action figures and starwars (yep…nerdy white guy stereotype).

the one-night stand who really wants a relationship–pretty, easy…you know…we’ve all been there.

and the I don’t need a man because I am one (I will explain).–lives for the job and wants a man who makes the same as her and would be a gold digger if she wasn’t successful. You know strong and independent…but lonely.

The Men:

The player–new girl every night

The dreamer–works four jobs but is gonna be someone some day

mama’s boy–the most unrealistic character in this whole movie

the non-committal–boyfriend of the one who wants to be committed…likes starwars a lot.

Okay so I’ve probably dated 3 of the four guys…and I use the term “dated” very loosely. I consider myself and cross between the career woman and the one night stand girl…because honestly when your busy climbing the corporate ladder there is only one ass you can kiss and it’s not going to be anyone you’re dating. All the women in the movie are memorized by this book…apparently its so popular its sold out everywhere…but the guys have no idea it exists. Time out: really? REALLY?

Magically there’s a chapter for each character. The slutty girl meets the player and she decides she’s not a chirp chirp girl…nor does she have sex until 90 days after they meet. I’m sorry what? You are demanding the car door to be opened for you? okay, what is this 1952? You can’t open the door? Come on. The 90 day rule I was intrigued most by. Thats 3 months…3 months of absolutely no sex of any kind…yep no bases are being run to…you are on the wrong end of a no-hitter. Sex is important but if you want to be with someone why do you have to follow all these rules? I understand if you are some kind of jaded weirdo who trusts no one (I’m not looking in the mirror at all here.) But what if you fall in love with them in 89 days…do you have to wait? The movie suggests no…but then undoes that later. So I don’t really know what the movie’s actual take on the subject.

The second compelling story line is the career woman/dreamer match up. The classic oh, you are successful…lower your standards and fix someone. Because your feelings and needs aren’t important. No your job is to inspire your man to do great things…then he will have time to love you. WTF? This also correlates with the commitment couple…she tricks him into applying for a job and he decides he doesn’t need her until he has that first. I say again…WTF.

First of all, if I’m in a relationship with someone for 9 years and there is no marriage…there will never be marriage because well you two aren’t meant to be! One of you wants tradition the other wants action figures…get over it…move on. He clearly needed to be tricked into marriage and 10 years down the line you are both going to wake up and realize wow…why did we get married again? What a terrible idea. Let’s avoid divorce because we are too comfortable in our routine to be actually happy.

Second. And this made me want to throw something at the TV. Why do I have to lower my standards because society is telling me I’ve got money and cars and sweet apartment that I got on my own just so I can get married and have kids? WTF? Really? That wasn’t the worst…no the worst is when the baby mama told the career woman (they are BFF’s) that she doesn’t have a man because she is a man! WTF? Oh so because she’s successful and completely independent she’s a cold business man? I mean every portrayal of her was in a sexed up business suit or she was working out.  And on top of that they made her out to be a veritable gold digger who only saw cars and money. Oh that’s not a stereotype at all.

The worst was how everyone ended up happily committed in relationships that society would smile upon. They each got a significant other and the divorced narrator ended up back with his crazy over bearing ex-wife because in the end we all want marriage.

This whole movie was ridiculous…but how many times have we found ourselves being each of these characters? I am most attracted to dreamers…mostly because I am a dreamer also and I can’t imagine being with someone who doesn’t want more than what they have. But I don’t think I would go to the extreme of career lady who wouldn’t talk to a man who made anything less than 6 figures. That’s just insane. I also would not impose some ridiculous 90 day rule. If I love someone then I’m going to be with them. Plain and simple. I have learned if you don’t tell someone how you feel then you will never know how they feel about you. Games are stupid….don’t play them!

Every character in this movie figured that out by the end because the women who manipulated their men into dating them by the tricks of this book ended up being miserable at some point. Shocker.

I recently told someone how I felt. They didn’t reciprocate. But for the first time I’m not writhing in angst ridden pain. I’m okay with it. Why? I put myself out there…and it wasn’t that bad…in fact it was kind of fun. And isn’t that what finding your “soul mate” is supposed to be? Why would you wanna be with someone you didn’t have fun with? Maybe just maybe there is hope for me in finding love someday.

One thought on “when a workaholic gets her mojo back

  1. There is always hope love. You inspire me with your writing and call me sappy, but I believe that there is someone out there for everyone. Myself included (the slightly awkward, chubby woman who is in fear of making herself know everyday) Keep writing, it’s what your meant for.

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