I’ve got some of the best friends in the world. Molly knows me better than anyone. Mandy is the most honest friend I have. Sam and Krysta have known me the longest. I love all them. They all know exactly why. But sometimes we invite other characters into our lives that we think are in for the long haul. I have 2 of the best guy friends ever in my life. My roommate…who I have good weeks and bad weeks with is there for me when I need someone. He’s not always the one I want to be around but usually he’s there with a bent ear. My other friend well he’s different. He knows me better than anyone in this town. He and I have had some great times together. Let’s call him Tom. Tom and I have traveled together, drank together, worked together. We’ve been through low times and good times. We talk about everything. When he’s upset he calls me. When I’m upset I call him. Well Tom recently got a girlfriend and they are in the Narnia phase of their relationship. You know when they forget the universe outside their little cocoon. Well in that time I have gotten denied a position at work, rebounded and got promoted. Met a really awesome guy that I hope is as into me as I am into him. I’ve done a lot of stuff, and he knows nothing about it…nothing at all. I hate it. I only see him at work because I stupidly got him a job working for me. And when I try to make plans he breaks them. Last night, being no different. Except by “breaking them” he just doesn’t respond to any texts and completely ignores me for days until he sees me at work. WTF…Right? I am clearly a glutton for punishment. I’ve let this go on for months.
Loosing a friend sucks. Letting go of a friendship is probably the hardest thing to do. Especially when you know its been over for awhile and your just grasping at straws to keep it alive. You try everything. You plan desperate Friday nights and tell yourself a million times over that your just being stupid. Well no, not really unanswered texts and constant cancelled plans….that means you’re being pushed away.
It would be so much easier to deal with these things if there was a sort of evaluation sheet at the end where said friend can at least tell you what went wrong for them. I mean at least when you break up with your significant other there’s some sort of screaming match with name calling and every single fault you have being thrown at you like darts. At least the sadness of loosing a significant other can be remedied by your friends, booze, and random sex. So what happens that said friend that you did the boozing and sometimes random sex with is gone from your life?
I guess the only thing left to do is pick up the pieces and move on.
So “Tom” if your reading:
I don’t care about your excuses. There isn’t a good one. I don’t have any fucks left to give about you. I am beyond anger. I am beyond hurt. I am done. I let you in. I trusted you. I was hurting and you ignored me. I was celebrating and you ignored me. You betrayed me. You were my best friend. I want to forgive you. I want to be your friend but I can’t let you do this to me anymore. So I’m done.