The color of Friendship

I’ve got some of the best friends in the world. Molly knows me better than anyone. Mandy is the most honest friend I have. Sam and Krysta have known me the longest. I love all them. They all know exactly why. But sometimes we invite other characters into our lives that we think are in for the long haul. I have 2 of the best guy friends ever in my life. My roommate…who I have good weeks and bad weeks with is there for me when I need someone. He’s not always the one I want to be around but usually he’s there with a bent ear. My other friend well he’s different. He knows me better than anyone in this town. He and I have had some great times together. Let’s call him Tom. Tom and I have traveled together, drank together, worked together. We’ve been through low times and good times. We talk about everything. When he’s upset he calls me. When I’m upset I call him. Well Tom recently got a girlfriend and they are in the Narnia phase of their relationship. You know when they forget the universe outside their little cocoon. Well in that time I have gotten denied a position at work, rebounded and got promoted. Met a really awesome guy that I hope is as into me as I am into him. I’ve done a lot of stuff, and he knows nothing about it…nothing at all. I hate it. I only see him at work because I stupidly got him a job working for me. And when I try to make plans he breaks them. Last night, being no different. Except by “breaking them” he just doesn’t respond to any texts and completely ignores me for days until he sees me at work. WTF…Right? I am clearly a glutton for punishment. I’ve let this go on for months.

Loosing a friend sucks. Letting go of a friendship is probably the hardest thing to do. Especially when you know its been over for awhile and your just grasping at straws to keep it alive. You try everything. You plan desperate Friday nights and tell yourself a million times over that your just being stupid. Well no, not really unanswered texts and constant cancelled plans….that means you’re being pushed away.

It would be so much easier to deal with these things if there was a sort of evaluation sheet at the end where said friend can at least tell you what went wrong for them. I mean at least when you break up with your significant other there’s some sort of screaming match with name calling and every single fault you have being thrown at you like darts. At least the sadness of loosing a significant other can be remedied by your friends, booze, and random sex. So what happens that said friend that you did the boozing and sometimes random sex with is gone from your life?

I guess the only thing left to do is pick up the pieces and move on.

So “Tom” if your reading:

I don’t care about your excuses. There isn’t a good one. I don’t have any fucks left to give about you. I am beyond anger. I am beyond hurt. I am done. I let you in. I trusted you. I was hurting and you ignored me. I was celebrating and you ignored me. You betrayed me. You were my best friend. I want to forgive you. I want to be your friend but I can’t let you do this to me anymore. So I’m done.

Vacations are best taken alone.

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It’s after midnight on a Sunday, so I guess its technically Monday. Which means My vacation is officially over. Which sucks not because I have to go to work. I like my job, yea sure serving up coffee everyday isn’t my dream job or anything but it pays the bills. I have been on many vacations..mostly family vacations and while I love a free trip let’s be honest its not really that free. Families are dysfunctional. They are stifling. They ask about your future plans for marriage and reproduction when you start to finally let go of all your anxieties. They don’t understand this whole “I hate kids and marriage” talk is just you rationalizing being single. Although I really don’t have any kind of oppressing need for children any time soon. Anyways, families are best taken in small doses. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. They are crazy, but they are my crazy family and only I can call them crazy.

I have taken 2 vacations with a very close friend. Those were the best vacations I have ever taken. I got my “mojo” back if you will after one and my friend who claims I stole his on our first one got his back on the second. But this past week I went on vacation by myself. Well sort of, my Dad is on business in Hawaii so I paid 942 dollars and spent a week in paradise. My dad and I spent one full day together. We mostly met up for dinners and drinks at night. Which left me to walk around by myself during the day. Being that I am naturally a loner I was okay with this. I go to bars by myself at home, what’s the big deal about on vacation? Well aside from the awkward stares by total strangers…absolutely nothing. Its actually the same. The bartender talks to me a lot because I am alone and its 3pm and I’m the only non-regular there. In fact its awesome because if you go more than once…you get free stuff sometimes.

The most important reason to go alone: The only person you have to please is yourself. Yep, you wanna spend $100 on a cheesy submarine tour and see a bunch of brightly colored fish? Do it. No one will judge you and no one will know it actually was just as cheesy as it appeared because you arn’t going to tell them. You will say it was awesome! Because it was, you thought it was awesome because no cynical family member was there being a negative Nancy about looking through a porthole at fish. Or maybe you won’t be that family member that ruins it for everyone else because you only do that to keep your hipster reputation on lock. You can go to brunch and decide yep…I’m going to drink something that is not a bloody Mary because nobody actually likes those…they only get them because if the bar doesn’t have champagne for a Mimosa thats what you drink. No, you can order a vodka tonic or maybe a screw driver or maybe you have afternoon delight. Yep, that’s a real drink go ask your bartender. The point is vodka and eggs is a great idea when you are sitting at a beach front breakfast place and you have a whole day of laying on the beach ahead of you.

Now, before you start booking your trip, be advised. Being in the land of your ipod for the entire week is not how you vacation alone. Yes you are alone but you don’t have to be alone the WHOLE time. Its cool to meet people. Not in the Carly Rae Jepson style of meeting people but in the hey, I’m going on this submarine tour it looks awesome lets go together way. 1. They will be way to polite to outwardly judge you and 2. they will watch your stuff while you go in the ocean to cool off during your 8 hour tanning session. The second reason is the only reason really to make a friend while vacationing alone. Sure, occasionally there’s that one guy with smoldering green eyes and a body that makes even Channing Tatum’s head turn but most of the time that doesn’t happen. So, get real, go be a tourist. Take a million photos and post them on facebook obnoxiously. You get to do twice as many things because you are paying for 1. And just like roller coasters, single riders don’t wait as long for the ride.

Still not convinced? In my 5 days in the rainbow state I went to the North shore, snorkeled twice, went on a pretty awesome submarine dive, ate a delicious brunch, had at least 2 Mai tai’s a day without judgement. Met 2 really cool guys, got a tan, got a sunburn, spent zero time sitting around in my hotel room trying to figure out what to do for dinner.

Being alone is something that should be cherished. Its something everyone needs to do at least once. Be alone, enjoy yourself, celebrate yourself. Sometimes that is just what the doctor ordered. I don’t think I’ve ever been this refreshed. I want to work tomorrow. I want to do the unthinkable and actually tell that one guy how I feel. I will think twice about that 3rd cocktail when I have long day of work the next day. I want to do the dishes. I don’t even really mind the current 105 degree heat and 120 degree heat index. I want to be risky. I don’t want to dwell on all the things that are terrible. Why? Because it took one week. One vacation can change you. I’ve taken 4 this year so far and I’ve never felt better about myself or my future.