This is my first blog post that is not in the form of a poem. Be kind Internet…be kind.
It occurred to me while waiting for my eyebrow waxing appointment that there is a fundamental difference between the young and the old. Specifically myself and the lady pushing 75 next to me. She’s reading an actual magazine made out of paper probably wondering why I’m staring at her. This was all interrupted by a woman who works in the spa asking if she wanted a warm towel for her neck and a meal. I mean, am I invisible? Am I not sitting next to her waiting for an appointment that is about 5 minutes past the time I requested? Do they see the anger boiling inside of me? No, because I’m just reading the latest Facebook status update on my iphone. My expression probably looks vapid. This, however, got me thinking I, along with many others who are not say Paris Hilton, would have said no thank you and smiled politely as they moved on to Twitter on their iphone. Really, who needs a neck wrap? But who needs any of the things we have? I don’t need a laptop, ipad, itouch, and an iphone. They all basically do the same things. Whose to say a neck wrap is any different?
Later on, while promptly vegging out with Chinese and one of my top 5 favorite movies of all time A League of Their Own I thought about what we don’t do for ourselves. I adore this movie, it is a masterpiece of baseball purity. The overtly trying to be feminist tones, terrible soundtrack and Madanna’s acting in general can be overlooked. As the end creeps on us and we are enthralled in the drama of the Peaches and Belles facing off in the world series. It’s game 7 and who’s that in the catchers gear? Dotti Henson, we jump from our couch, Chinese food spilling everywhere, the Peaches are going to win it all! The climax and resolution are all going to happen in about 15 minutes. Dotti strides to the plate, faces a battling younger and annoying sister Kit who is struggling to keep the ball in the same universe of home plate. Kit winds up and Dotti “nearly takes her head off” as the announcer in a charming 40’s twang yells into the microphone. Peaches have the lead. Fast forward, Kit, the final out is at the plate. Dotti tells the pitcher to throw them high because “she can’t hit them and can’t lay off of them.” As far as sisterly love goes that’s the exact opposite but as a true grit ball player that’s how the game is played and it is beautiful. Anyways it’s 0-2, the last pitch, Rosie O’Donnell is going nuts down at 3rd base. And Kit hits in in the gap, this is where my baseball knowledge stops all fun for me. Kit ignores the coach and goes for home…she barrels into Dotti who “drops” the ball and the Belles win. Dotti is smiling because a whole stadium is cheering for Kit. The rest of the Peaches are rightly and noticeably upset…they just lost the world series because Dotti felt bad for being better then her sister at everything and let her win. WTF?
Maybe I’m a bad person or entirely too competitive but I’m pretty sure throwing the world series is up there on the list of Don’ts if not number 1. I digress, first of all there is no way that would be an in park home run, it wasn’t close enough to the wall. I don’t care if your Derek Jeter himself that would not happen. Second, if the viewer is supposed to see her throw the game and Tom Hanks who plays a never sober baseball manager can see it so can all the teammates…thank you for slapping us with your feminism for two hours but you just ruined the message in about 30 seconds. Would a man do that for his brother? I doubt it. Would I do that for any of my siblings? No way! That movie was 22 years ago and I’m pretty sure even back then the feminist would be angry with that ending.
Kit was ungrateful and annoying. The first sign of trouble she whined that her sister stole the show. Well no kidding she was the Derek Jeter if you will of the league. She was the best player. Kit was not. Get over it. Dotti was very clear in that she was not coming back after the inaugural season, and I’m pretty sure a world series win was not going to happen for her ever again. She gave up an opportunity for greatness for her sister who she loves more? We are supposed to be comforted with the idea that the family is always more important than the individual. Isn’t that the opposite of feminism? Wouldn’t anyone today have knocked that bitch over and taken the ring? I mean we all hate Lebron but we can’t say we wouldn’t do the same. If you are the best, you should be the best, you should do your absolute best. In the words of my Mother; “give 100% or don’t even bother.” This has been my mantra for the past 26 years. No one on the Hall of Fame list in any sport ever said “well I think I’ll just give this to the other team because I feel bad for them.” And I’m pretty sure years later at a Christmas party Dotti had one to many martinis and let it slip that she dropped the ball on purpose. Kit I imagine threw something at her and Dotti caught it with her bare hand and challenged her to a pick up game and she promised she would knock her harder than Muhammad Ali. There was a huge fight and the reason for the weird reunion at the end of the movie at the Hall of Fame exhibit. What does this have to do with anything?
What is the message we are sending out to kids today? We should always be selfless, we shouldn’t say what we really want until we are knocking on death’s door? We should live in regret? I wouldn’t have minded a hot towel but I probably don’t deserve one because I’m 26 and haven’t suffered enough? That’s one messed up thought. Equally as awful as Dotti letting down her whole team so her sister could be the winner for once. Newsflash, winning because someone let you is worse than being a perpetual loser. Why? Because if you can’t beat the best you are not the best. At work, no one is going to say oh you had a tough week I’m going to let you have my promotion because I feel bad for you. No, we are all a bunch of Micheal Corleones whacking everyone who stands in our way. That’s why I love mobster movies. One day your friends the next your leaving them dead on some abandoned New Jersey Highway while enjoying a canoli. Or maybe you bought a fur coat and pink Cadillac and now you are dead. The point is if you don’t take every opportunity given to you then why are you even in the game? I’m pretty sure that old lady knows that…she enjoys every awesome thing she is given. Probably because she learned the hard way. Who knows maybe she was at Game 7 in AAGPBL or maybe she was a riveter I don’t know. The point is I think we all deserve a little extra. We all deserve to be the best at something and we should never ever feel bad about it.